Around the time of Christmas, Hanukkah, and Kwanzaa, Pastafarians celebrate a vaguely-defined holiday named "Holiday", which doesn't take place on "a specific date so much as it is the Holiday season, itself". Because Pastafarians "reject dogma and formalism", there are no specific requirements for the holiday.
Pastafarians note the increasing popularity of their holiday at the expense of others, with stores and shops now wishing people "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas" -- even George W. Bush's White House Christmas cards wished people a happy Holiday season, leading Henderson to write the President a note of thanks, including an FSM "fish" emblem for his limo or plane.
|The Gospel of the |
Flying Spaghetti Monster
First edition cover – designed to look like a hardback
|Genre(s)||Holy text, Satire|
|Publication date||28 March 2006|
|Media type||print (paperback)|
The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, which includes the Eight "I'd Really Rather You Didn't"s, is a text written by Bobby Henderson that is considered to embody the main beliefs of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM), a religion created as a counter to Intelligent Design (ID).
While brooding atop Mount Salsa because he couldn't find a pirate ship, Mosey the Pirate captain (a parody of Moses) received some advice from the Flying Spaghetti Monster in the form of ten stone tablets. These were called the "I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts" by the FSM, the "Commandments" by Mosey, and the "Condiments" by his Pirate gang. While there were originally ten "I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts", two were dropped on the way back down the mountain, with eight remaining. This event "partly accounts for Pastafarians' flimsy moral standards." The FSM's commandments address the treatment of people of other faiths, worship of the FSM, sexual conduct, and nutrition. The morals and standards expressed by the Flying Spaghetti Monster, the deity of pastafarians, supposedly said that the simple language of the Eight "I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts" makes them easy to understand for anyone while still maintaining an accurate portrayal of the beliefs and values he'd like his followers to keep in mind.
In the chapter "An Alternate Vision", the suggestion of "Unintelligent Design" is proposed. The argument is that because of all the problems in the world, the Flying Spaghetti Monster must have been drunk, careless, etc. when he first created life. A list of ten examples is given to support this, including such things as disco music, Jar Jar Binks, and the decline of passenger pigeons due to the popular McPidgin Sandwich sold at McDonald's.
Schneider and Frederick have recently proposed the first scientific proof of "Unintelligent Design" by claiming that the insertion of species Penne rigate into family Rigatone, order Pasta resulted in the creation of a new species of Noodleous doubleous. Schneider considered the only explanation is that this was caused by the holy Flying Spaghetti Monster, whose "noodly appendage intervened".
The image is familiar: on the left, the reclining Adam, arm extended casually toward a bearded, robed figure on the right surrounded by an angelic host: Michaelangelo’s The Creation of Adam, a fresco on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel.
Recently, however, this famous image has been showing up (around the web and elsewhere) with God replaced by the “Flying Spaghetti Monster,” the creator deity of a parody religion (the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster). The Flying Spaghetti Monster is (allegedly) exactly what it sounds like: a large, hovering mass of spaghetti with meatballs and eyeballs that, according to this church, created the universe. The religion also has its own gospel, the 192-page-long Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, along with a modicum of satire doctrine (including ideas of heaven and hell and worship practices).
Claiming authenticity, the church supposedly stepped out of thousands of years of secret existence in 2005, when Bobby Henderson, a bachelor’s graduate of Oregon State University’s physics program, sent an open letter to the Kansas school board protesting a decision (since overturned) that allowed some critical analysis of evolution (though not specifically requiring any discussion of intelligent design). In the letter, Henderson wrote:
Some find that hard to believe, so it may be helpful to tell you a little more about our beliefs. We have evidence that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe. None of us, of course, were around to see it, but we have written accounts of it. We have several lengthy volumes explaining all details of His power. Also, you may be surprised to hear that there are over 10 million of us, and growing.
The letter concludes, “I think we can all look forward to the time when these three theories are given equal time in our science classrooms across the country, and eventually the world; One third time for Intelligent Design, one third time for Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, and one third time for logical conjecture based on overwhelming observable evidence.”
Ironically enough, the “members” of the church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (known as “Pastafarians”), in addition to mocking God himself, are lampooning the Intelligent Design Movement for not identifying a specific deity—that is, leaving open the possibility that a spaghetti monster could be the intelligent designer. Yet much of the motivation behind the Intelligent Design Movement is that by not identifying a creator (or creators), the movement remains free of specific religious content and (so the argument goes) does not violate the First Amendment. Thus, the satire is possible because the Intelligent Design Movement hasn’t affiliated with a particular religion, exactly the opposite of what its other critics claim! This puts the Intelligent Design Movement in a double bind of sorts: if they name a designer, they are accused of being merely a religious theory; if they name no designer, their opponents lambaste their ideas for theoretically allowing pasta monsters as deities.
Let’s analogize it this way: an investigator and his attaché enter an abandoned warehouse where strange noises have been reported. They carefully examine the evidence before their eyes: a dizzying maze of wires, circuits, microprocessors, and computer cables, along with a large computer monitor and keyboard. Lying beside the contraption are technical schematics and various computer tools. The investigator, examining the plain evidence before him, deduces the obvious: someone has built a supercomputer! Now imagine the dialog that might ensue, with the investigator a stand-in for the Intelligent Design Movement and his sidekick a stand-in for Pastafarians:
Investigator: Just look at this contraption, Datson: miles of wiring and acres of circuitry, programming manuals strewn about the floor—it’s obvious that someone is building a large computer. But whom, and why?
Sidekick: How can you possibly determine that this computer was built by someone without knowing who the builder actually was? Based on what you suppose from this scene, could it not have been a large Caesar salad that designed this device?
Quite obviously, the sidekick’s reasoning skills are wanting: one can establish that certain designs require (or, at least, strongly suggest) a designer without knowing the identity of that designer. The key point of the Intelligent Design Movement has been to bring light to the many signs of design in life—signs that point to a designer—without making attempts to establish who (or what) that designer (or designers) is (or was).
Now, in this scenario, let’s also envision a stand-in representing young-earth creation:
Friend of computer scientist: Sirs, I appreciate your analysis of this laboratory, but I believe you are both overlooking something rather important. Here is the complete instruction manual written by the computer’s creator—a manual that describes why, how, and when the computer was designed and built! The manual accurately describes everything you see in front of you and more! The computer’s creator has merely gone out to buy more parts at the moment.
In other words, young-earth creationists view the evidence in light of God’s revelation to us; in reality, Darwinists and intelligent design advocates also view the evidence through their own unproven presuppositions about the way the world works.
Although our comments up to this point have been in defense of the Intelligent Design Movement, we recognize that the source of the Flying Spaghetti Monster satire is that the Intelligent Design Movement does not identify a designer due to its bottom-up, evidence-oriented look at biology. This appeal is supposed to insulate intelligent design from religious status, allowing it to be presented in public schools (though this strategy has been judicially stymied so far). Intelligent design leaves unclear not only who the designer is, but also why we are here at all. To understand not only creation, but also sin, death, and salvation, people need the special revelation of the Bible—not just the general revelation around us that implies a designer. We know who God is because He told us in His Word, revealing not only that He created us, but also revealing elements of His nature. Be sure to read more on this topic at The Intelligent Design Movement.
Furthermore, atheists, agnostics, and evolutionists (pardon the overlap) carry their own unanswered questions, such as: Where did the universe come from? How could life originate from abiotic chemicals? What explains the earth’s privileged location in the galaxy?
We are not worried that Flying Spaghetti Monsterism is going to lure away Christians; rather, the religion’s obvious primary purpose is sardonic humor. Nevertheless, it reflects a growing attitude of mockery toward not just organized religion, but also toward any suggestion that there is something—or Someone—“out there,” beyond ourselves and our fallen notions.
The Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM) is the deity of the parody religion "The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster."Now just so we are all on the same page, I have to tell you in all honesty that your humble author believes in Intelligent Design....... just not anything even closely resembling the theory put forward by the "I.D. Movement" and their attempts to use this as a wedge to introduce Creationism into science!
It was created in 2005 by Bobby Henderson as a satirical protest to the decision by the Kansas State Board of Education to require the teaching of Intelligent Design as an alternative to biological evolution in public schools.
Since the Intelligent Design movement used ambiguous references to an unspecified 'Intelligent Designer' to avoid court rulings prohibiting the teaching of creationism as a science, this presumably left open the possibility that any imaginable thing could fill that role.
In an open letter sent to the education board, Henderson parodies the concept of intelligent design by professing belief in a supernatural creator, which closely resembles spaghetti and meatballs.
He furthermore calls for the "Pastafarian" theory of Creation to be taught in science classrooms.
Due to its recent popularity and media exposure, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is often used by atheists, agnostics (known by Pastafarians as "spagnostics"), and others as a modern version of the Invisible Pink Unicorn.
Dear dumb ass folowers of FSMism;Now a couple of points here kids!
There have been a lot of weird things that i have seen in my life before, but this tops them all.
Do you really believe that there is/was such a thing as a flying spaghetti monster?
Seriously, how f***ing old are you?
I know there’s such a thing as freedom of speech and expression, but this kinda shit should be banned.
There is only one God and one Holy Word.
Why don't you people get that?
How much sense does it make to say that decreasing numbers of pirates lead to an increase in average global temperature? (Huh? -ED>)
Is that science or some fifth grader trying to sound smart?
You are the kinds of people I dread to meet in public.
If I were to ever have the displeasure of meeting your retarded ass, I would probably beat you senseless until your stupid childish mind thought like a normal person and believed in something that sounds correct instead of just saying “Eh, lets make a new religion..and what the hell, our ‘god’ should be a clump of spaghetti. Oh, and it should have eyes and be able to fly. Lets bow down to it and see how many people follow suit!”
Damn you all to hell!!
Better yet, somebody should lock you in a f***ing psychiatric ward for further examination because they obviously didnt do that enough when you dumb f***s were born.
I hope this web page is taken off the web as quickly as it was put up.
Labels: FSM-deity of a parody religion
Labels: cheney - unauth bio - video
oldie but a goodie
Dick Cheney is a "Rogue Nation" [VIDEO]
Dick Cheney's decision to exempt himself from the laws of America can mean only one thing, that he is a nation unto himself.
By MARJORIE COHN
Now that the rationale provided by Bush & Co. for attacking Iraq is unraveling, it's time to ask what the true motivation was for the rush to war. Many dismissed the signs of antiwar protestors, which read "No blood for oil." But if we connect the oily fingerprints, beginning with Vice President Dick Cheney's, it appears those protestors were right.
Cheney's energy task force, in a May 2001 report, called on the White House to make "energy security a priority of our trade and foreign policy" and encourage Persian Gulf countries to welcome foreign investment in their energy sectors. In August 2002, Cheney warned a meeting of veterans that Saddam Hussein could seek to dominate the Middle East's vast energy supplies, and said "there is no doubt that Saddam Hussein now has weapons of mass destruction."
Before the invasion of Iraq, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld sought to decouple oil access from regime change in Iraq, which, he said, had "nothing to do with oil, literally nothing to do with oil." Rumsfeld, Bush, Secretary of State Colin Powell, and National Security Advisor Condoleezza Rice all invoked Hussein's weapons of mass destruction and his ties to Al Qaeda, neither of which has materialized to date, as imminent threats to the security of the United States. Three days before the attack on Iraq, Cheney said, "we believe he [Hussein] has, in fact, reconstituted nuclear weapons." That claim, and Bush's Niger uranium statement in his State of the Union address, were bogus.
When U.S.-U.K. forces took control of Iraq, their first order of business was to secure the oil fields, instead of the hospitals and antiquities museums. Meanwhile, Kellogg Brown & Root was awarded a controversial $7 billion no-bid contract to rebuild Iraq's oil fields. KBR is a subsidiary of Halliburton, the world's largest oil services company, formerly headed by Cheney before he was tapped for vice president. In a 1998 speech to the "Collateral Damage Conference" of the Cato Institute, Cheney said, "the good Lord didn't see fit to put oil and gas only where there are democratically elected regimes friendly to the United States. Occasionally we have to operate in places where, all things considered, one would not normally choose to go. But, we go where the business is."
The business is in Iraq. Since April 2001, the public interest group Judicial Watch has sought public access to the proceedings of Cheney's energy task force meetings, under the Freedom of Information Act. Yet Cheney has fought tenaciously to keep them secret. On July 17, however, Judicial Watch secured some of the documents from the task force, which contain the smoking gun: "a map of Iraqi oilfields, pipelines, refineries and terminals, as well as 2 charts detailing Iraqi oil and gas projects" and "Foreign Suitors for Iraqi Oilfield Contracts." The documents are dated March 2001, two years before Bush invaded Iraq.
The Bush administration's October 2001 bombing of Afghanistan, although justified as a response to the September 11 attacks, was also part of U.S. oil strategy. Afghanistan never attacked the U.S. Yet, the U.S. and U.K. ousted the Taliban and secured Afghanistan for the construction of an oil pipeline from Turkmenistan, south through Afghanistan, to the Arabian Sea. Bush had been uncritical of the Taliban's human rights record when Unocal oil company was negotiating for the pipeline rights before September 11. After assuming control of Afghanistan, Bush conveniently installed Hamid Karzai, a former Unocal official, as interim president of Afghanistan. "Operation Enduring Freedom" will allow oil corporations freedom to exploit Afghanistan for profit, while the Afghans continue to live in squalor.
Likewise, "Operation Iraqi Freedom" has enabled U.S. corporations to exploit Iraq's oil, while thousands of Iraqis continue to die, lose their jobs, and live without electricity. American soldiers are still dying while U.S. taxpayers foot the $3.9 billion monthly bill. Oil has proven to be the most terrible weapon of mass destruction.
Marjorie Cohn, a professor of law at Thomas Jefferson School of Law in San Diego, is executive vice president of the National Lawyers Guild. She can be reached at: firstname.lastname@example.org
Labels: cheney-it's all about the oil
Cheney in '00: Invading Baghdad Would Make Us "An Imperial Power" [VIDEO]
Also in Video
Recently an unearthed CSPAN video of Dick Cheney (then a former defense secretary and considering a '96 run for the White House) from 1994 where he quite reasonably and intelligently argued that invading Baghdad following the Gulf War would have let to a "quagmire" has exploded on the web. The footage has gathered so much steam, and pissed off so many Americans, Cheney's press people were confronted about his inconsistency. The best defense Cheney's defenders could muster: "He was not vice president at the time." Good one guys. Of course they fail to acknowledge that more recently, in August 2000 to be exact, Cheney again repeated the logical position that invading Baghdad would not be worth the loss of lives, money and stability in the Middle East.
Was he lying? Did 9/11 really "change everything"? What is with this guy? John Nichols of The Nation chats with Keith Olbermann and he argues that Cheney's thinking on Iraq has never changed privately even if it has shifted publicly. In '94 he didn't want to seem to hawkish when he was thinking of running for president and in '00 he didn't want to expose his ideology too much when campaigning to be the vice presidential nominee. Nichols feels that this reflects a political cynicism that he hasn't seen since Richard Nixon or maybe before too. This goes back to college in the early 60's where Cheney's old professors say he had a simplistic view of the world and dreams of unchecked presidential powers. He was simply giving the safe answers at a time when the public wouldn't have tolerated an invasion.
After 9/11, Cheney seized the moment, changed all this rhetoric and was rarely if ever called out on his lies. This is why Nichols says, "Dick Cheney is a dangerous man." Check out the video to your right for more.
Labels: cheney - lies
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